worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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