"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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