I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
