His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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