So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
