she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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