ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
