can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
