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he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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