he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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