I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
