i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
