Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
