I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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