you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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