Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you never un-have a 4some
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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