Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
