ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
