we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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