She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
