Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
