I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
