you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
try to milk me bitch
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