Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
