I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
