my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
