We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
