can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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