how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
