I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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