So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
