But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
