It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
