They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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