I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
