so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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