take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Watching her eat just hurts me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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