Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
