i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
