my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
