I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
