Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Even my vagina gasped.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
