It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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