did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
