First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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