the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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