You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
