im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
