i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
