It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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