I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
