Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
