so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
