We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Bring me that man meat
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
